willing victim

My very deep virtual relationship came to an end.  The wife who was treating him so poorly came on second life to find me and she did.  Unfortunately the guy I was having a relationship with couldn't or wouldn't stand up for me.  He had a strong idea that physical reality was real and virtual reality was illusion.  Soo I had to end the relationship.   I was into helping him climb out of the hole she dug for him, not joining him in that hole.  So I take another painful step toward enlightenment with the knowledge that what is best for me will happen.

 I live and work on this dairy farm in Pennsylvania with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together.  My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns in Massachusetts.  As you can see from the picture below of me taking a bath, I can easily pass for a girl even if biologically I am a boy.  The fact that I swing from looking more male some days or more female some other days causes my physical world no end of trouble. My mom worries a lot about how the world will react to me and feels I could meet people who get angry at my gender fluidness.  At first I didn't understand her concern but after going out in the world without adhering to my assigned gender role, I did encounter some angry people who would have hurt me if they c...

There is another aspect of being gender fluid that needs to be discussed.  Now I've always thought of using the gender fluid spectrum as a fun thing to do.  But recently I read about a situation where a person went up and down the gender spectrum to escape the failure from the presenting gender he/she was using and hoping a trip down the gender spectrum ladder would make things right.   Well it doesn't work that way.  Wherever you land on the fluid gender spectrum is the place you have to make a success at before you move on to a different rung on the spectrum.  Otherwise you will find that you keep picking a bummer.