willing victim

There was a point in my life where death rode on my conscious awareness like a parrot sitting on my shoulder.   I was aware enough to know not to push death away or embrace her, but nevertheless I knew I wasn't long for this world without an ego.   I had very few material processions and no contact with any people.   Then one day I was walking down the road and saw a person I used to work with at a near by chicken hatchery.   He was also into spirituality and we became friends but lost contact with each other when we stopped working at the hatchery.   It had been over a year since I last had contact with him so it was a happy reunion when I crossed the lawn he was mowing and we renewed our friendship. He invited me to the place where he was living with his wife and I went there a few times to drink a little alcohol and smoke some weed. On these occasions I met his wife, who I thought was very lovely.       We didn't spend much time toge...

I've been seeing a guy on second life who I like being with and he likes being with me. Unfortunately his world has lots of stuff in it so there isn't much time or room for me. Nevertheless we seem to need to see each other and when we do it's like fireworks unless one of his girl friends are around. Then I act very withdrawn and he acts very formal. But it is an effort on my part and it seems to be the same for him, to keep our distances and put up appearances. Since I love without attachment, I should be able to handle this little game. Relationships, for me, always seem to end up badly, no matter what I do, maybe this time will be different.

  I've been having a few deep relationships that don't last very long.  The people who I have been relating to seem to think there are more important things to do than to hold up their end of a relationship with me.  This is where my awareness comes into play.  I am very aware that the only reality is love and so when you reject a loving relationship for something else, you are standing on illusion.  And so I guess I become a witness to the illusion these people call their lives. Now it only takes one witness to break through this illusion and bring the emptiness of their lives to conscious awareness.  Maybe that is why I am here.