My Amazing Insight

There was a point in my life where death rode on my conscious awareness like a parrot sitting on my shoulder.  I was aware enough to know not to push death away or embrace her, but nevertheless I knew I wasn't long for this world without an ego.  I had very few material processions and no contact with any people.  Then one day I was walking down the road and saw a person I used to work with at a near by chicken hatchery.  He was also into spirituality and we became friends but lost contact with each other when we stopped working at the hatchery.  It had been over a year since I last had contact with him so it was a happy reunion when I crossed the lawn he was mowing and we renewed our friendship. He invited me to the place where he was living with his wife and I went there a few times to drink a little alcohol and smoke some weed. On these occasions I met his wife, who I thought was very lovely. 

    We didn't spend much time together before I started my trip to New York state from where I was in Massachusetts (about 300 miles) to pick apples in the fall.  I had everything I owned on my back and planned to hitchhike to the apple orchard I wanted to work at.  My experience of getting to the orchard, working there and then leaving for Florida (1600 miles) on a motorcycle I bought, to pick oranges, was a spiritual awakening that has sustained me for my entire life.

     I did end up coming back to my friends' house after about a year of traveling around the country.  He had moved and so I went to where I was told he lived now.  He wasn't there but his wife was, so I told her about my travels and she told me about her life with her three year old son.  It seemed that she wasn't getting along with my friend because he didn't want to be married anymore to her.  I couldn't imagine why that was so because she was so beautiful in many ways.  Anyways I kept coming back to see my friend and he was never there so I kept spending time with his wife until we both knew it was more than just being friends.

  When I finally caught up with my friend, he told me it was true about him not wanting to stay married because it interfered with his spiritual life.  Then he asked me if I would take care of her and I agreed.  So this girl and I became an item and she gave me a reason to live so that death disappeared from my shoulder.  She was managing a recording studio at the time and got me a job taking care of the horses who were there for the guests to ride.  I did enjoy the horses and the work but found the people a little strange.  Especially the person who owned the studio.  He was a kind of playboy type who liked to have sex with every woman who came across his path.  Except for the girl I was involved with, because she wouldn't do it with him.  Which I thought was rather enlightened of her. Another aspect of her personality which I thought was very highly spiritual was her ability to love unconditionally.  Now I know this is a high level of spiritual awareness because loving unconditionally is a good way to get yourself martyred.  If she had been aware of what she was doing and gave her consent to it, she would have become my guru.  But she just kept loving unconditionally and suffered the pain of unconditional love but was never aware of why she was suffering and would rather not be in pain if given her choice.

     So I started to share her pain with her.  Now death didn't just ride on my shoulder but showed herself in my world on a regular basis.  I would see my own death everyday but death could not take me, only drive me further down the road to enlightenment.  I got to the point where I could materialize whatever we needed with my mind.  My amazing insight was becoming aware of the world as a projection of my mind and thus being totally what I could make of it.