willing victim

I live and work on this dairy farm in Pennsylvania with my mom and step dad. Mostly my step dad is more a guru to me than a parent and over the years we have attained a high level of conscious awareness together. My biological father, however, is having his mental problems and mostly I go and live with him to help him out mentally as well as do a little work on the horse farm he owns in Massachusetts.
This winter my bio father and I got into an argument and I left the ranch and found an apartment and started doing some part time work at McDonalds to make ends meet. Now I’m a very spiritual person and spend a lot of time meditating. Even at the best of times I don’t have a lot of attachment to the material world or what most people call the real world. Then one day I found I couldn’t break my “trance like” meditative state and was unable to interact with the reality that used to be me. I could view my real world as though I was looking through a thick distorted glass, but I couldn’t make contact with it. Now I was able to overcome my fear of death and stay calm but I felt I was trapped on this astral plane type of existence which made me feel very isolated.
Then I became aware of another presence and when it touched my mind I knew it to be my step dad. He was able to leave the material plane and find me here in never never land. He told me that what was happening to me usually happened to someone just before the soul left the illusion of personality and body behind and reincarnated. He thought in my case I would eventually gain control of my body again without going through the messy process of death. In the meantime he explained that my soul was running my body for the purpose of healing my dad which is what I came here to do. In a sense I was a willing victim. And through his mind I could see what was happening to my body on my material plane of existence.
It seems my bio father and his wife decided that I needed psychatric help and got a lawyer who got a judge to sign a paper allowing my father to come and take me to the funny farm with the help of two policemen.
So for about a week he showed up at my apartment with the two policemen to drag me away to a mental health facility. But I was never there at the same time the police were and I was able to elude being captured for awhile. Then two days later the police found me hiding in a closet and dragged me away complete with handcuffs and leg irons. I sat in front of another judge while my father worked over this second judge to force me to be admitted to the local insane asylum.
So that’s where I stayed for a few weeks. Then they diagnosed me schizophrenic and let me go into the loving care of my father.
So I came to live with my bio father. He treated me like his schizophrenic pet. He would leave me in this house, which was being paid for by his boss, all day long with nothing to do and nowhere to go until he returned at night to feed me. Like I said, I could go long periods of time meditating but I didn’t feel this situation was taking me down the path toward enlightenment. Through my awareness of the situation I could tell I was being held prisoner here to put pressure on my mom to move back to Massachusetts because my fathers’ boss had the hots for her and he uses his money to manipulate people. Also my father was enjoying sticking it to my mom and step dad for living a life of their own without him. But unfortunately for him I am a karmic mirror in this game which means all the players will end up eating their own karma or reaping what they sow.
Telephone rings. I pick it up to discover my step dad is on the other end.
“Hi sweetheart.” I heard his darling voice say over the phone.
“Hi dad.” I replied. “I’m amazed you got me, I feel like I’m in solitary confinement here, no calls and no visitors.”
“‘Well your father is making a big deal of this situation. He’s told your mother that in order to relate to you she has to leave me and come live in Massachusetts.”
“What a shit head he can be.”
“Nevertheless,” my dad continued, “You have to get yourself out of there to stop your mothers’ pain and shift it onto the people who put this shit sandwich together. I would come and get you myself but that would give the impression that I’m snatching you away and this stupid game will start all over again. Best if you walk out the door, stick out your thumb and trust in God.”
“I’m ready for the exit out of here by any means.” I exclaimed.
“That’s good because there will probably be a lot of resistance to overcome.”
“OK dad, I’m out of here, see you in a few days.” I said with as much conviction as I could muster.
After hanging up the phone I knew I had to make my move right away before I lost my courage. So I went to my fathers’ computer and printed out this picture to let him know how I felt about him after all the stupid crap he put me through.
So I didn’t have much in the way of belongings to take with me on the road from Massachusetts to Pennsylvania, so with a small back pack with a few cloths I left my fathers’ place, never to return I hoped.
Out on the road I started walking in the general direction of Pennsylvania with my thumb out. Now I’m not what one would call beautiful but I am sorta cute in a country kinda way. And it wasn’t long before the first male driver slammed on his brakes and opened up the passenger door for me. He asked where I was going and I told him Pennsylvania and he smiled thinking I was just a crazy chick. I seemed to be getting a lot of this kind of reaction lately. As we drove down the road he started asking me all the usual male questions.
“So honey, are you married or do you have a boy friend?”
I said no to both questions and was afraid his next question was going to be; do you want to have sex? But instead he reached across the front seat and put his hand on my thigh. I said to stop the car cuz this is where I get off. He did stop the car but left the car when I did and grabbed me by the arm. Unfortunately for him I am one tough farm girl and I started man handling him before he could have his way with me.
I did however get a little carried away and when my rage left me I discovered my male antagonist was unconscious. He had a wallet full of money so I helped myself to enough of it to help with my traveling to compensate for the hard time he put me through.
I had read a sign stating that a small town lay up ahead and started walking toward it. I got there late at night and checked into a cheap motel wanting to get cleaned up and have a good night sleep.
I awoke in the morning to a beautiful sunrise shining through the window of my room. Before leaving the motel I took a hot shower, crossed the street to have breakfast at a diner and headed on down the road. I walked a few hours before sticking out my thumb and was starting to think I would never get a ride after about 300 cars sped by. Then finally a car stops and luck is with me when I see there is a woman driving. I get into the car and the lady asks where I’m going and I tell her Pennsylvania.
“Well dear”, she says, “Maybe if your getting tired of dealing with trying to get a ride you could come home with me for awhile and we could visit.”
Since I really was ready to take a break from hitch hiking at this point I said yes that would be fun.
So off we went until we finally arrived at her farmhouse way out in the middle of no where.
“So dear, how do you like my place?” she asked me.
“It’s really nice.” I responded. “Do you live here alone?”
“I don’t have a husband, if that’s what you’re interested in finding out. I’m kinda more interested in girls than in boys. Does that bother you?” she wanted to know.
And then before I could answer she took me by the hand and led me into the bedroom and started to undress me. Then we just started to cuddle until we got each other excited.
And before long we were on the bed making love when she got behind me and I felt something hard was entering me.
“Oh honey what are you doing to me back there,” I moaned.
“You must be able to recognize a penis when it’s in you my dear.”she replied.
“Oh my, oh my, whatever it is your doing it’s driving me crazy,” I gasped as I began to spasm with my approaching climax.
And so we made love for most of the night before I couldn’t stand it any longer and had to look at the equipment between the legs of my new friend Mary.
“Honey I can’t believe your for real.” I moaned. You’re the best thing that’s come into my life in a long time. Maybe the Pennsylvania trip can wait for a little while longer.
“So sweetest heart, you have to tell me what it’s like to be a hermaphrodite.” I insisted after we cooled off a little from our love making.
“It’s a long story Denise.” she replied, “But if your really interested I’ll blow you away with the circumstances of my condition.”
“Please do.” I begged her. And she began her tale;
My life growing up was a little strange. You might have blamed it all on that oblong orifice lurking just below my penis and testicles. My parents of course knew of my condition but ordered me never to reveal the existence of said orifice by word or touch to any other living soul. And so I attended school as a boy named Fred.
I was physically smaller than the rest of my male peers and when I reached puberty I didn’t have the facial hair or completely lose my high pitched voice. My chest developed small mounds around my nipples and my ass was bigger than any of the other boys in the school.
So it wasn’t surprising when a bunch of homosexual boys ganged up on me in the men’s room one day and threw me face first against the wall, pulled down my jeans, and were just about to give my asshole a good reaming when one of the guys noticed my orifice.
“Hey guys you gotta come here and see this for yourselves,” declared Joe to the rest of his friends.
So everyone came over and examined my orifice by word and touch and decided that I was not a boy named Fred but a girl pretending to be a boy. They were so excited about this bit of news that they forgot about me and headed down the corridor to tell the rest of the school what they had discovered. I decided to go home and tell my parents that everyone in the school now thought I am a girl.
My mother wasn’t as surprised as I thought she would be.
“Don’t you worry dear, it was only a matter of time before the cat was out of the bag,” she explained to me. “Now however you can’t go back to school as a boy named Fred but must go as a girl named Mary.”
So without asking me how I felt about the idea, she started to undress me and began tucking my male equipment back in upon itself so it could hardly be seen.
“I’ve been reading up on this sort of thing, honey, because I knew the day would come when this knowledge would come in handy,” she said with pride in her voice.
Next she put me into a black silky thing which covered my tits and the area where my manhood used to stick out. Then came the black nylon stockings and a wig.
Now she said what I need is some panties and a dress and I’ll be ready to start my new life as Mary.
And so before I knew it I looked and felt like a girl named Mary.
But before I could decide weather or not I liked my new situation, my mother grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to the car and off we went to introduce me back at school as a girl.

When we were in front of the principals’ desk my mother started telling her (the principal was a woman) that my dad always wanted a boy and forced my mother and me to go along with making his daughter into a boy named Fred. But in truth, my mother continued, this is our daughter Mary.

Well the principal wasn’t sure about this story so she asked me to lift my dress and bend over. As I did so, she stuck her hand up the back of my panties and started to feel for my orifice. By the time she found it, it was starting to get pretty wet down there with all this attention and stimulation and I was starting to think that maybe being a girl was not such a bad idea.
And so I started coming to school dressed as a girl everyday from then on. I didn’t have any friends because nobody wants to be friends with a girl who used to be a boy. So I kind of became a wall flower at school and wondered if this was how the rest of my life was going to play out.
I guess it was at this point I decided to quit school and make it on my own. My parents weren’t happy with this plan but could see I was wasting away at school and needed something in my life to grab on to.
I started going to the park and sitting on the benches watching the people go by and wondering all the while if it would be better to be a boy or a girl. Mostly I went outside as a girl but when I felt my manhood calling I would go back to being Fred again. Boy or girl it didn’t seem to matter, I couldn’t get out of the box I was living in. I still felt isolated from the rest of the world and couldn’t seem to make contact with anyone. Death started to make his way into my thoughts and before long he was sitting on the bench next to me saying that I should put an end to my suffering.
But I just wasn’t going to do myself in. I was at a point where I wasn’t holding on to life but I wasn’t seeking death either.
When I finally snapped out of my depression I got a job at a recording studio and rented this farm which is near by. So here I sit, hiding out from the world.  And that's my story, Denise, sad but true."
We held each other all night long but in the morning I was alone in the bed and Mary was up and getting dressed. Only when she finished dressing and I looked at her from my position on the bed, did I realize she looked more like a Fred than a Mary. Her hair was tied back and she wore a guy’s shirt and jeans.
“Hey sleepy head, you going to stay in bed all day.” Mary teased. “I gotta go to work at the recording studio. I’m the guy who takes care of the horses that the guests ride when they’re not recording. I got the job as Fred so if you want to visit me today just follow the path through the woods to the studio and ask for Fred. Please honey, don’t give my little secret away to anybody. Thanks dear and help yourself to breakfast with whatever you can find. Bye Bye.”
As I walk out the door on my way to work I start heading down the path to the studio but notice out of the corner of my eye Denise had gotten out of bed and was standing at the window watching me disappearing into the woods. As I walk to work I think how nice it would be to have her come see me at work.
I arrive at work and start my day with feeding the horses grain and hay. I get the saddles and other things needed for the few rides I have to give. As the morning draws into the middle of the afternoon on a beautiful sunny warm day with a slight breeze just to keep it comfortable, I finally give my last ride.
Then I notice Denise standing next to the gate of the pasture. She’s wearing a nice free flowing skirt and white blouse with short leather riding boots. I notice her talking to the owner of the studio as he points to where I am. I smile as I ride up to where they are standing and ask Denise if she wants to climb up behind me for a ride in the countryside. She climbs up and wraps her arms around me tightly and lays her head against my back. Then I give the horse the signal to walk and off we go into the beautiful pasture and woods. We head down to a secluded trail that I don’t take anyone down and come upon a cabin with a river running next to it. I climb down first and help her down. My hands grip around her waist and lift her down as she makes a small gasp, being taken by surprise from the ease in which I am able to take control of her body.
As we walk into the cabin one could not help but notice the cabin was set up like a motel room with the queen size bed being the center piece. In my Fred persona I have taken many girls here and have been able to keep my other Mary identity secret even through the sexual act. Of course I had to be careful and keep the lighting low, but Denise is the first girl who knows both sides of my personality. I am excited by this encounter.
 Denise walks to the middle of the room with poise and turns to face me. Her arms cross lightly and her hip curves outward…lovely roundness…gripping and voluptuous. Then she drops into a lotus position and closes her eyes.
This is not what I had in mind and I tell her so. “Why are you in that weird position with your eyes closed, Denise?” I inquire as I drop to the ground and attempt a lazy lotus in front of her.
She tickles out a laugh, but proceeds to squat near. She kneels and touches my head. “Straight and dignified, maybe raise it little to the air. Receive your thoughts; don’t look down on them unless you need to hide them. Relax your shoulders, no need to prepare them for battle. Unlock your posture, no…Not sloppy, just up and straight…with ease. Feel it?” Her hand now on my chest.“Feel what, my heart beating?” I smirk not taking this as serious as I should. I’ve meditated and I’ve prayed. I’ve knelt and surrendered and let thoughts fly…but never with a rule book in place.“No, the inner you. It beats inside of you like a soft whisper…you feel its vibration sometimes. Do you feel it?” She was seriously prodding her fingertips into my skin to feel the inner me.
As Fred becomes more relaxed in my presence and is starting to trust me as much as he’s able to trust anyone, my mind opens up to him and he starts to fall into it. His body twitches as his mind leaves it behind and his essence flies through the window of my soul and we meet in an inner realm of my creation. We are both naked as I take his hand in mine and pull him down on top of me. At first he starts to use me to gain some illusionary end which doesn’t exist on this plane. Then he becomes more aware as he realizes there is nothing to win or lose here.“Be Here Now,” I whisper in his ear.
“I’ve never been this high in my entire life,” he whispers back as we merge and our consciousness expands to the point where we touch the mind of God. Nobody stays this high for long however and suddenly there is an explosion of white light which propels our souls back into our bodies.
“What the fuck happen?” Fred screams as he gets to his feet and looks at me like I’m some kind of witch. “I was just playing with your mind a little bit dear, you seemed to be enjoying yourself until just this moment.”
“What you did was really weird, nobody does it like that.”
“Well I feel bad for everyone else because having sex with your mind is soooo much better than slopping around with your bodies.” I purred back at him.
“I’m getting out of here.” Fred yells as he opens the cabin door. “I’m going to find someone normal who I can slop around with. If I were smart I’d leave you right here and not come back. It would be safer. Lucky for you I never go the safe route.” With that he slammed the door and was gone for a while to cool off. I hope.

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