Still gender fluid after all these years

  Here I am getting older and still gender fluid.  I don't have a lot of contact with the world outside the farm.  My friends are mostly animals and my step dad is my guru.  Even my mom has lost her awareness of who I really am.  But my step dad only sees my spiritual being and really doesn't care what clothes I wear or how I look on the outside.  He knows when I look like the picture on top of this blog, that I will draw the attention of the world upon myself and cause drama and pain all around.  But he is also aware of my higher level of conscious awareness that comes when I dress like this.  He feels I shouldn't need this crutch but believes I have to find my own way to enlightenment.

   I find that the world loves to play winner/loser games and make one of the players a victim who eats all the bad karma of the rest of the players.  Of course I am always the victim but instead of eating the groups bad karma, everyone in the group eats his or her own bad karma when I play the game.  Everyone seems to be looking for victims, so it's never hard for me to find a victim slot that is always open in everybody's game because nobody believes it's possible to go up against the rule book of the prevailing culture system.  People believe in mental illness but don't believe in an awareness that can over ride the game system that our culture has sent us to school to learn.