Seed of God

  This is my sister and me.  I was born a boy but for some reason, I'm not very sure of, I was brought up as a girl.  For most of my life it didn't seem to be a big deal to me.  However I'm old enough now to understand there is a difference between boys and girls and most everyone I know gets upset when a boy looks like a girl.  Not that many people know I am a boy.  I know enough to not let anyone know if I can help it.  At school everyone calls me Denise and I hang out with other girls during recess and at lunch I am one of the girls too.

   Maybe I should just let my life go on as it is. I am aware of what is happening to other boys who aren't much older than I am and am afraid my secret is not going to be a secret much longer.  I finally asked my mother about my little problem and she just said don't worry about it.  I guess the real problem is that I don't want to be a boy, I would like it better if I could just stay a girl and develop like the rest of my girlfriends.  I get invited to sleep overs but have to make up some excuse why I can't go other than the fact that there is a bulge in my panties.  As each year goes by I can tell my girlfriends are becoming more and more interested in boys with penises, and less and less tolerant of my condition if they knew about it.  And the boys seem to be even less tolerant than my girlfriends.  They make fun and tease other boys who look like boys but are only a little smaller and don't do boy sports or wear dresses.

  So for me it is a lot bigger problem than my mother thinks it is.  But I have been living my life alone with this condition and no solution in sight since I became aware of the fact that I am different.  When I look out into the world of other people I see the world is going to try to crush me.  But when I look inside myself, this is what I see;

At some point in my life I became aware of the seed of God deep in my being.  I nurtured this seed with thoughts and actions of love and peace and truth and freedom. I protected this seed from the attacks of the world and never betrayed the integrity of it’s being.

  As the years went by I discovered that most of the people around me had either sold their seed to the highest bidder or had fed it thoughts and actions motivated by fear until it withered and died.

  The world did its' best to make me believe in it's illusions but I never lost sight of the truth.  Finally after finding out that I could not be bought or scared into submission, the world decided to erase me.  But by this time the seed of God had become my main reason for being and I fought a long hard battle to protect it.   Alas I was overwhelmed by superior odds and was trampled to death.

  But lo and behold I found out there is no death.  And when I looked inside my being to the place where the seed of God was planted, in its stead was a magnificent, radiant tree.  The minions of the world attacked the tree with their machines and weapons only to find out their weapons were useless and their machines broke down.  So at the end of the siege the little egos of the world took their broken toys and left.

   It was then I realized I was not the trampled ego lying in the dirt but the magnificent, radiant tree with roots sunk deep in Mother Earth for sustenance.  I no longer needed the world but now the world needed me.